MARK Wilkins was the guest speaker at the U3A’s March monthly meeting. His main purpose was to promote the County Air Ambulance Trust, but before moving on to talk about this, he gave the audience a lively and entertaining autobiography.

Like most of the Air Ambulance pilots, Mark trained with the army (in his case, at Middle Wallop in Wiltshire). He saw active service on the Rhine in the 70’s and 80’s, as part of the NATO response to the potential threat from Russia. He described in some detail how servicemen were expected to cope in an NBC (nuclear/biological/chemical) environment and amused his audience with some of the totally ludicrous instructions given from on high. For example if, as a pilot, you were in the air within 20 miles of a nuclear explosion you would be totally blinded forever; the solution – to wear an eye-patch, so that you would still have one eye that functioned properly! Once you had survived wearing your NBC suit, you then had to ascertain when it was safe to remove it along with your gas mask. The only way of doing this, apparently, is to choose the least popular soldier from the platoon and get him to do the sniff test i.e. pull the mask slightly away from the face, whilst everyone else looks on to see if there is any adverse reaction!

After facing the Russians, Mark was later deployed to Northern Ireland, patrolling the border with the Republic. This involved operating Night Sun – a system of four huge spotlights which illuminated the landscape over a wide area. It seems that they were just as likely to catch courting couples intent on losing their virginity as they were terrorists smuggling weapons! Later he worked as a commercial pilot in Nigeria and then over the North Sea, spotting Russian spy ships. This was not too difficult as genuine trawlers were followed by flocks of seagulls, whilst the spy ships had no birds following them! Mark later worked in the far east and then for the Air Ambulance in Scotland.

Having entertained us hugely with his humorous stories of life as a pilot, Mark began his pitch on behalf of the Air Ambulance. There are currently 34 Air Ambulance helicopters in the UK controlled, but not funded, by the NHS. The service relies totally on charitable donations. The helicopters are able to fly at 150mph and always have two paramedics on board. They are usually called out two or three times a day and their main job is either to resuscitate or keep patients alive during the ‘golden hour’ before they can be treated in hospital. The paramedics have usually served with the NHS ambulance service for a year or two before being given the opportunity to serve with the Air Ambulance, normally for two years maximum. On board the helicopter is the same equipment carried in ambulances with two stretchers, although there is only room for one person to be carried lying down. The County Air Ambulance Trust, started in 1990, covers ten counties from Derbyshire in the north Midlands to Avon in the south. The aim is to arrive at an accident scene within 20 minutes and often, the helicopter will be used to transfer seriously ill or injured patients to specialist hospitals. Great care has to be taken before landing, and the paramedics have often to act as policemen too, as they may be the first on an accident scene. They have to assess very quickly which accident victims to prioritise. As they are in radio contact with the pilot, they can pass on information which the pilot then communicates to the health service staff who will be dealing with the patients when they arrive at the hospital. One of the charity’s recent projects has been to ensure that hospitals have a pad where helicopters can land safely and close to the services that the patients will need.

If you would like to donate to the County Air Ambulance Trust, there are many ways in which this can be done. More information can be found at www.countyairambulancetrust.co.uk (where you can watch again, if you wish, the video that Mark showed) or you can phone 0800 389 8999.

Mark could not leave without one final story. You will be aware that a helicopter’s rotor blades cause a considerable down draught, and you may also be aware that when the army is on manoeuvres, one of the first tasks is to drill a hole that serves as the latrines. The area is surrounded with hessian to protect the users’ modesty. When assigned to a cavalry regiment (and the cavalry are rather elite units in the army), Mark was unaware, as he arrived, that he was landing his helicopter rather too close to the latrine area and, unfortunately, at a time when the facilities were being used by the regimental colonel. Left exposed as the hessian flew to all parts of the camp, the colonel immediately despatched his adjutant to tell Mark to clear off and never come back!

It has to be said though, that Mark is welcome at U3A meetings any time he wishes. We are grateful to him for a very entertaining talk.

GRAHAME PERCIVAL