Being a carer comes in many guises, from paid full or part-time healthcare professionals who go into the home or provide day or longer respite care elsewhere to volunteers from charities and, increasingly, members of the family. Age UK brings us an insight into one such family carer – this is Joyce’s story.
My name is Joyce, I’m 75. My husband, David, is 77 and he had a very severe and serious stroke.
His whole left side is paralysed, and he had to have care as he could no longer do anything for himself.
I do get some help from my children (I’ve got three children and four grandchildren) who all work full time. From teachers, to train drivers, to office workers... they all work full time. So, obviously, they can’t be here a great deal. The majority of the time, I’m on my own. I look after David 24/7. It’s a very hard task.
I was getting three days day care for some respite care for David. For the foreseeable future, with this coronavirus, this is going to stop. So, I don’t really know how I’m going to be cope because I’m going to be isolated totally. I’m going to struggle but I’m going to have to try and carry on as best as I can. But this is where I’m struggling to cope, this is where we’re going to start hitting problems.
When David had his stroke, it changed our lives dramatically. It was like a light being switched out. He was a very fit man, he used to go crown green bowling four times a week, he used to cycle eight or nine miles into our nearest town, we used to walk a lot in the country together.
All of a sudden, this one day, this switch just switched off and everything absolutely changed. It wasn’t only David’s life that changed, but also my life, the childrens’ lives, everything. You can’t even think about how people manage until you’re in this kind of situation. It suddenly makes you realise how on earth people have been managing.
My routine during the outbreak
I get up at 6:30 in the morning, get showered and get dressed. Make a cup of tea. Then, I go into David, sit him up and give him a cup of tea. I get him up, take him to the bathroom, toilet him, shave him, shower him, dress him, put him in his wheelchair, take him into the living room.
Then I put the TV on for him while I make his breakfast. Then, it’s general housecleaning, toileting David regularly throughout the day, washing his hands as much as I can. I just try to keep David comfortable and keep his spirits up wherever I can, while also trying to keep mine up to. It’s not easy right now, given the circumstances, but it’s what we’ve got to do!
David is getting on OK, but he’s a little bit despondent and fed up already. He used to go to day care three times a week, which got him out a little bit. He felt like he was getting out and it gave him something to talk about. It’s also a break from each other for a few hours. The day care isn’t going to happen for at least three months, so I don’t know what the implications for David are going to be.
I’m only one, there are millions who are probably in a worse situation than I am. These people are forgotten, particularly the carers. Age UK are there for them. Age UK makes you feel that you’re connected to someone, that somebody does care.
Unless people are in this situation, you don’t totally understand what it feels like. You can feel very alone. It’s so nice to have a different conversation with someone else. Things like that can be vital to people.
Age UK supported Joyce to share her experience of caring to raise awareness for Carers Week. The charity provides information and advice on many topics related to later life.
Visit ageuk.org.uk or call 0800 678 1602.
Find out more about Carers Week, led by Carers UK, at carersweek.org.
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